Confessions of a Teenage Leper Read online

  “You’ve got too many excuses, girl.”

  “Those aren’t excuses. Those are legitimate reasons.”

  Jane raised a meticulously tweezed eyebrow at me.

  “Jane. Look. It’ll never happen. You don’t meet someone you’re going to be in a relationship with at a lep—” I coughed. “At a place like this.”

  Lester cleared his throat.

  “Where do you think Grace and Lester met?” Jane said.

  I looked at the old blind couple, snuggled up beside each other slurping their spaghetti, two peas in a pod. “That’s different,” I said.

  “Why?”

  I lowered my voice. “Because they both have it.”

  Jane eyed my cadet. “He’s got some kind of problems,” she said with a shrug. “Else he wouldn’t be here, doing baby-army camp.”

  I watched Scott from across the room. He tilted his head back and let out a big belly laugh at something another guy had said. I could tell by the way he laughed that he wasn’t an evil person. Was it possible that his smiles for me were genuine? That he wasn’t just doing it to be cruel? What guy in his right mind would want to date a leper? It was wholly ridiculous. And yet…There it was again. That glance. That grin. Dammit.

  “What have you got to lose?” Jane said.

  She was right. From where I was, there was no place left to go but up.

  After dessert, Jane and I left together. I stalled as we were leaving the mess hall, pretending to tie my liver-shoe, so that I’d be going through the doors at the same time as Scott. I accidentally on-purpose brushed up against his arm as we passed each other. He didn’t jerk away like I’d expected him to. He turned to me.

  “Hi,” I said.

  “Hi,” he said, grinning.

  “Hi.” I froze. “Ugh, I’m sorry. I hadn’t planned what to say to you beyond that.” Idiot.

  He laughed. “I’m Scott.” He held out his hand. There was no hesitation. No flinching. No pulling it back and sliding it through his hair, saying, Psych! He knew that I had this terrible disease and he was going to shake my hand anyway. I took his hand. It was big and warm and strong.

  “Abby,” I said.

  “Great to meet you, Abby.”

  I liked the way my name sounded in his mouth. I wished he would say it again.

  “Dude! Let’s go!” His friend shoved him from behind and he was swept away from me in a sea of green and khaki.

  His friends were razzing him, to be sure. I could almost hear them saying, Dude, that’s gross. You’re gonna get it from her! Are you stupid or something? What were you thinking? But he looked back at me and smiled, and I knew that whatever they were saying didn’t matter to Scott.

  And not to me, either.

  The rest of the week was more of the same, but I didn’t have to meet with Dr. Rodriguez again, and I was glad for it. The medication seemed to be working because the spots on my face were fading and my eyes and cheeks had lost nearly all of their puffiness. The other spots on my body were starting to fade as well and the scaly patches were flaking away to smooth skin underneath. I still felt tired and weak, but I was trying to “focus on the positives” like Dr. Rodriguez advised.

  When I saw Scott at meal times, he would say hi and I would say hi back if we happened to be close enough to hear each other. Then I’d get giddy for a minute or two, and then I’d beat myself up for even entertaining the idea that he might ever in a billion years be interested in me. But then I’d sneak a look at him across the dining hall and he’d be looking at me, and I’d have to work to beat down the butterflies in my stomach. Jane would tease me and I’d tell her to shut up, and that’s pretty much how it went for the first week. Then, Friday night after jambalaya soup, he came over to the reserved table as I was finishing my last bite.

  “Hey, Abby,” he said, towering over us.

  “Oh. Hi, Scott.”

  Grace and Lester looked in his general direction. Barry fidgeted with his fork and knife, and Jane stared up at Scott like he was some kind of Greek god, which, let’s face it, he kind of was.

  “I was wondering if you’d like to go for a walk with me? We get some free time after dinner tonight, so…That is, if you’re free. I mean, if you’re not busy. Or, are you done eating? I’m sorry, you’re not done yet, are you?”

  Lester had his tongue jammed into the side of his cheek and Grace nodded, slow and sure. Jane kicked me under the table.

  “Yeah. Yes. I’m done.” I stood up.

  Lester cackled, not in an unfriendly way.

  “Are you sure?” Scott said.

  “Positive. Let’s go.” I was in such a hurry to go with him, that I left my dishes on the table instead of putting them away in their proper bins like we were supposed to.

  “Cool,” he said.

  “You kids have fun now!” Jane called after us. I could hear Grace giggling as we walked out of the mess hall.

  “Where would you like to go?” Scott said.

  “Oh, I don’t care. Doesn’t matter.”

  “You’re right,” he said. “Let’s just walk along the river for a while.”

  “Great,” I said.

  Neither of us talked for a minute, then we both started to say something at the same time. We laughed.

  “You go ahead,” he said.

  “I was just going to ask you where you’re from,” I said.

  “Oklahoma.”

  “Wow, a real live Okie.”

  “Born and bred. How about you?”

  “Texas,” I said.

  “I figured.”

  “How’d you figure?”

  “All the prettiest girls are from Texas.”

  I laughed. “And they know when they’re being fed a line.”

  He turned away from me toward the river. It looked black and bottomless in the fading light. “Sorry,” he said, smiling. “That one usually works.”

  Neither of us said anything for a while. The river rushed and burbled beside us, filling the night air with its hurried noises.

  “So, you’re sick, huh?” Scott said.

  “Nope. Thought I’d just hang out here for a while. Kind of a mini-vacay sort of thing…”

  He raised his eyebrow.

  “Why are you here?” I asked.

  “Same thing,” he said. “Needed a little R&R, thought, why not try a boot camp? Those are relaxing, right?”

  We laughed. An owl swooped over us and we watched it soar over the gnarled oak trees.

  “Seriously, though,” Scott said. “That has to be rough.”

  “Yep.” I nodded. “I actually can’t imagine how it could possibly be any worse.”

  “Well, you could have not met me…That would be way worse.”

  “Better get a rod and reel for all those lines you’re casting, Scott.”

  He laughed.

  “Now you,” I said.

  “Me, what?”

  “You tell me why you’re at a camp for juvenile delinquents.”

  “I’m a bad man, Abby,” he said, grinning. “A very bad man.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “The baddest. You should stay away from me, actually.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  “Yeah.”

  “What did you do?”

  “What haven’t I done?”

  “Are you going to tell me or what?”

  “Or what.”

  “So, that’s a no?”

  He scratched his chin. “That’s a not now, maybe later.”

  “Okay,” I said.

  “Okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “Cool.”

  “Can I ask you something?” I said.

  “Shoot.”

  “Why did you talk to me?”

  “Why not?” He shrugged.

  “But, you know I’m sick. Doesn’t that freak you out?”

  “No. Should it?”

  “I don’t know. Probably.”

  “I read about it online. It’s not that bad as long as you get treatm
ent. And you started taking the pills already, right?”

  “Yeah, last Sunday.”

  “Yeah, so you’re not even contagious anymore.”

  “But how can you be so cool about it? I mean, even my best friends weren’t…Okay, let’s just say, they were very un-cool about it. But you don’t even know me and—”

  “Look, I wanted to talk to you, so I talked to you. What’s the big deal?”

  “Yeah, but why?”

  “Okay. You want to know the truth?”

  “Yes!”

  “It was your backflip.”

  “My backflip?” I laughed.

  “Yeah. I saw you do that flip and I thought, wow. I have to talk to that girl.” He shrugged. “That was it.”

  “Huh. That’s…”

  “Look, let’s just say I know how it feels to be treated like an outcast, okay? No one deserves that. Especially not a beautiful blonde gymnast.”

  “Cheerleader.”

  “Sorry. Beautiful blonde cheerleader.”

  “I was a cheerleader. Not anymore, I guess.”

  “Why not anymore?”

  “Lost all my strength. Plus, I’m here for at least another three weeks, so I’ll be missing most of the spring season anyway. Pretty much guarantees I’m off the team.”

  “That sucks.”

  “It’s pretty much ruined my life,” I said.

  “Wow. You’re really serious about cheerleading.” He laughed a little bit.

  I told him about how it meant missing out on the USC scholarship. How I wouldn’t be able to afford university now or be able to study acting in California like I had been planning for longer than I can remember.

  “Abby! You can’t let this slip through your fingers! There must be something you can do!”

  “Scott. Calm down.”

  “But—”

  “It’s okay. It’s not going to happen. It’s my own stupid fault. I put all my eggs in one basket.”

  “The cheerleading basket.”

  I nodded. “Sometimes, your eggs get broken.”

  “But…but, this is serious! This was your lifelong dream!”

  “Lots of people have dreams,” I said. “Doesn’t mean everyone gets to live them.”

  “I think you still have to try. Maybe your coach will make an exception or something. Say that you were part of the team anyway.”

  “I doubt it.”

  “You could ask though,” he said.

  “You’re right. I could ask.”

  There was a cool wind and I shivered as I wrapped my arms around myself.

  “You cold?” Scott said.

  “I’m okay.”

  “Here.” He took off his sweater and placed it over my shoulders.

  “Thanks.”

  “So, you’ll ask, right? I mean, it’s the least you can do.”

  “Okay, yeah. You’re right. I’ll ask her.”

  “Good.” He grinned. “Then, when you get your first movie, you can make sure to thank me in the credits.”

  “Alright.” I laughed.

  He was kind of weird, but I liked him. Plus he was hot, so that always helps. He talked a little bit about his mom and dad (divorced); his older brother, Jesse (still living in his mom’s basement); and his golden retriever, Tinker Bell.

  “Tinker Bell?”

  “Tink for short,” he said.

  “Did you name her?”

  “Yeah! Don’t you think it’s a pretty name?”

  I giggled.

  “It’s one of my favorite girl’s names. If I ever have a daughter, I might name her Tinker Bell. Do you like it?”

  I looked at him.

  “I mean, I’m not asking you because of that or anything. Oh no. No. Don’t think that! I’m just asking you if you like the name.”

  “I think I like it more for a dog than for a person,” I said.

  “That’s fair, I guess.”

  We walked along the riverside without saying anything for a few minutes. The early stars glinted above us. I pulled the sleeves of Scott’s sweater down over my hands. His sweater was gray and soft and smelled like a pumpkin spice latte. I looked up at him. He wore a half-smile and looked peaceful. How could he have done something bad enough to get sent here? He was so cute. He was so nice.

  “Should we go back now?” he said. “Can I walk you home?”

  “Sure. Okay.”

  “But not home, home, to Texas. Just to the building you’re staying in here.”

  “Right.”

  We turned around and headed toward my apartment.

  “You have your own room?” he said.

  “Yeah. It’s a whole suite, actually.”

  “Whoa. Lucky. I have to share with, like, twenty other guys.”

  “Bunk beds?”

  “Military issue.”

  “Yuck.”

  He nodded. “Total yuck.”

  “When do you get to go home?” I said.

  “Well, my mom said she’s done with me. So I guess, never?”

  “So I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then,” I said.

  “And the day after that.”

  “Okay.” I grinned back at him.

  “Can I have a hug good night?”

  “Are you sure you want to? You’re not afraid of—”

  “Oh, shut up already with that.” He put his arms around me. I hesitated, then patted his back awkwardly. He was warm and I could feel his muscles through his shirt. My forehead rested against his sternum as he held me. It was nice. Really nice. If I let myself, I could imagine being his girlfriend. I could imagine falling in love with him. The engagement party. The beach wedding. The kids and the dog and the hammock in the yard, swinging gently in the breeze. I could imagine all of it. But I wouldn’t let myself. I counted my breaths instead. Finally, he let go. “Good night, Abby.”

  “Good night, Scott.” I began to climb the stairs up to my suite, forgetting everything I’d learned that week about foot placement and proper alignment and stability while doing stairs. But I made it anyway. I waved to Scott as I unlocked the door to my room. And he waved back.

  I was in my room only a few seconds when there was a tap on the door.

  “Who is it?”

  Jane poked her head in.

  “Oh. Hi,” I said.

  “Heyyy.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Come in.”

  She grabbed my hand and twirled me around. “Are you going to have his babies?”

  “No! Stop!” I said, laughing.

  “Oooh! He gave you his sweater!”

  “Oh, shoot. I forgot to give it back.” I took it off and hung it on the back of the door.

  “For-got.” Jane made air quotes with her fingers.

  “I did!”

  “Soon you’ll forget to take your tongue out of his mouth too. Or did you do that already?”

  “No! Jane, please. Stop, okay? It’s not like that.”

  “Umhm.” She nodded. “Just remember, honey. No glove, no love.”

  “Aargh. Enough.” I pushed her toward the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

  “What?! You’re kicking me out? You’re not going to tell me about your date?”

  “It wasn’t a date. And…yes.”

  “Fine,” she said. “I was just leaving anyways.”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay. Good. Then.”

  “Good night, Jane.”

  She made a kissy-face at me, crossing her eyes.

  “Jane!”

  She turned around and did that thing with your hands rubbing up and down your body where it looks like you’re making out with someone.

  “Bye,” I said, shoving her out of my room. I shut the door behind her and locked it. I could hear her laughing through the window and couldn’t help but smile. I sat on my bed and held my palms to my cheeks. I could tell I was blushing without even having to look in the mirror. I had an overwhelming impulse to text Marla and Liz. But I didn’t. I kicked off my shoes and flopped back
on my bed and stared at the ceiling and wondered about all the people before me who had done the same thing in this very room. What had happened to them? What would happen to me?

  The next morning, Jane and I had breakfast together. Lester and Grace liked to sleep late, apparently, and no one knew where Barry was. Jane was making googly-eyes and kissy-lips at me.

  “The thing is, I don’t get it,” I said.

  “Don’t get what?”

  “Why would he hit on me? Why would he flirt with me? I’m not pretty right now. Look at me, I look like a strawberry pie that a horse stepped on. I’m gross.”

  Jane rolled her eyes. “It’s not that bad. Your face has already cleared up a lot since you got here. Besides, maybe he can see you’ve got potential.” She dug a hole in her oatmeal. “Or maybe he’s just bored.”

  “Whatever. It doesn’t matter anyway. It’s not like I’m ever going to see him again once I get out of here.”

  “Never say never,” Jane said. “Lester and Grace met in here, and now look at them.” She leaned forward. “And, Grace already had a boyfriend when she met Lester.”

  “I know,” I said.

  “What do you know?”

  “I knew about them getting married here.”

  “How’d you know about that?”

  “I saw them by the library the other day and they told me about it. How they were wild and crazy in love so they snuck out through the hole in the fence to go get married in Baton Rouge.”

  “You see!” She pointed at me, her fingers in the shape of a gun. “The hole!”

  “Yep. Just like you said.”

  “Maybe the reason you got Hansen’s disease was so that you would come here and meet Steve.”

  “Scott.”

  “Close enough.”

  “I don’t think—”

  “Maybe that was God’s plan for you, for everything to happen just as it has because of a grand design that we can’t see or understand.”

  “I don’t believe that,” I said.

  “Well, maybe that doesn’t matter.”

  “Okay. What’s the reason you got Hansen’s disease, then? What’s the grand design there?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know yet.”

  I took tiny bites of my oatmeal, trying not to gag on the sticky clumps.